Day 73: Confession

Some people who are way better than me at wall balls.

Today something happened for the first time at CrossFit that I don’t even want to admit, let alone write about. But I am going to anyway.

This morning’s WOD was 12-minute AMRAP of 4 wall balls, 6 bar jumps, and 8 sit-ups. And let me tell you that I am really, really bad at wall balls. I am lucky if I can get it up to the 8-foot mark on the wall, which all things considered is really only 2 feet of vertical gain once it leaves my hands. They knock me over all the time, and sometimes I catch them with an open mouth because I’m breathing so hard and end up licking what I’m sure is probably one of the most disgusting pieces of equipment in the gym. We are not friends.

Despite my personal issues with wall balls, I started the WOD feeling strong. After the first half I had finished 7 sets and I felt like I could even make it to 15 by the end. I was pushing, barely resting, at some points hardly breathing. When the timer ended I was on my 3rd wall ball of my last round. Honestly now I can’t even remember if I finished with 13 or 14 full sets – I think it was 14. But I do know that at the end, I came up short of that 4th shot to finish out one last set of wall balls.

But I wanted it SO BAD. I pushed so hard through those last few sets, dripping sweat, flying through sit-ups so fast that I practically felt like I was headbanging. And I just really, really hate wall balls. Have I mentioned that? I was brooding about not making that last rep. I think I even scowled at my medicine ball. I DESERVED that 4th rep. And when TJ asked what my final count was, I told him 14 plus 4.

Yep, guys, I lied about my rep count today (to clarify, even though for the purposes of this post I can’t remember how many full sets I did, I know I reported that correctly at least). TJ even asked me a 2nd time, and I was suddenly convinced he had been watching me and knew I didn’t get all 4 reps. Whether or not that was true, I lied again. “14 plus 4,” I said.

I have never lied about my rep count before and I was immediately infuriated with myself. Had I really just lied, let alone to TJ, who is not only someone who I respect immensely, but who potentially even knew I was lying?

We stuck around for a few extra minutes before heading home. I stared at that little “4” on the board across the room. It glared at me. TJ gave me potentially-imagined knowing looks. On my way out the door I quietly walked over and replaced the liar 4 with a 3, but the relief I was hoping for didn’t come – the damage had been done.

Is 1 rep really such a big deal? It’s not like I fabricated an entire extra set, or skipped reps during the WOD, or, you know, tripped someone while they were doing bar jumps. Does it really matter that the little number next to my name on the big white board is just a tiny bit higher than it was supposed to be? In all seriousness, the answer, to me, is yes. CrossFit is about not just becoming physically stronger, but about confronting the person that you really are, and then making that person better. How can dishonesty, no matter how small or ridiculous, be a part of that?

So right now I kind of just feel like I suck. Any good feelings I had from having 12 strong minutes of a really well structured WOD are being smothered by that feeling of suck. And to TJ, I’m sorry that I lied – and trust me, if this is what that feels like, it won’t happen again.

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15 Responses to Day 73: Confession

  1. Amie says:

    Bwahahaha! Guilty much? I take it you don’t sample from the bulk bins at Whole Foods. This might be one of the funniest (and most relatable*) crossfit posts I’ve ever read– anywhere. And you don’t suck. In fact, your WOD times are always impressive and inspiring. I’m about six weeks behind you in my xfit journey (saga?) and am psyched to see all of your progress!!

    But, yes, TJ was totally onto you. He is all-knowing.

    *Except for the lying about that last rep part. I mean, how COULD you? πŸ˜‰

    • Thanks, Amie! Not gonna lie, when I started out writing this post I felt very serious and super guilty… by the end I realized how ridiculous this whole ordeal was πŸ™‚ And I LOVE that you refer to it as your CrossFit Saga. PS, I totally sample out of the Whole Foods bins… but I still use the scooper πŸ˜‰

  2. TJ says:

    OH man, this is all kinds of awesome. You are a good person Claire, what matters is that you rectified the problem before you left the gym! If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t know that you were lying – I must have left my deity-like counting abilities at home today πŸ˜‰

    Also, I didn’t get the full height on my second wall ball but counted it in the round. It wasn’t till I wrote my score that I wrote 20+3 instead of 20+4. We all have our moments – blame the hypoxia.

    • Ha, if I was counting my reps based on “full height” I would have gotten somewhere around zero. And what can I say, I take that big ole white board very seriously!

      PS, You require deity-like counting abilities to count to 4? πŸ™‚

  3. Inspiration Elevation says:

    I cracked up reading this. We have all been there, and for what its worth, I lose count all the time, and generally give myself the benefit of the doubt and round up…

    You are a good chick Claire, and I think your honestly is deserving of one extra wall ball.

  4. Beth Thomsic says:

    Shit. I don’t think I knew you had to get it up to 8 feet to count it. I thought if it left my hands and didn’t cause a bloody nose, I was good. Well crap.

  5. tjb says:

    Lol, no – the deity abilities are required to count everyone’s reps. You might have had tunnel vision (a side effect from licking the schmagely wall balls) but there were a few other peeps in there too πŸ˜‰

  6. Tom says:

    Counting is a simple task until it is added to a really tough WOD. I know on several occasions I have had people finish a WOD ahead of me even though they were slower or took longer pauses. Either they developed super human speed at the end or they fudged what they allowed to go up on the whiteboard. What matters is that you recognized the goof and corrected it. 1 or 1000, you demonstrated integrity by making that change and by blogging how rotten you felt for allowing a poisoned number to grace the sacred board. That board is judge and jury to nobody but the people who own each entry. You passed the test and can crawl into bed this evening with a soul that can soar through the ages as purified. Unlike the athletes who intentionally poison that wall with inflated or deflated listings. I wouldn’t go as far as wishing a pox to befall the cheaters but maybe Pukie could pay them a visit, they could develop a really obvious case of crotch sweat or worst of all be caught in the all-knowing stare of a trainer who counted. πŸ™‚

    • I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about… People who magically skip through time to arrive at the end of the WOD well before you, despite an obviously much smaller amount of effort and actual reps. I actually had that happen to me last week during a workout that involved really extreme amounts of reps (100, 90, 80, etc). I didn’t want to write a whole post about this because I didn’t want to call anyone out since a lot of folks at my box read my blog, but I was about to freak out when He-or-She Who Shall Not Be Named just walked through some of the sets despite resting after every rep while I was working my ass off to get to the end of the whose-idea-was-it-to-make-us-do-50-burpees tunnel. Which almost made it worse when I did it today. Lying about 1 wall ball rep is just a gateway drug to faking dozens of burpees!

  7. joyintheday says:

    I can totally relate Claire πŸ™‚ And I swear TJ does have magic counting powers and BS-sensors! The other day during a WOD he was like, “your KB is too easy!!!” It’s awesome that our gym preaches high standards. Keep kicking ass girl!!!

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